Growing up in an extremely strict Christian family had it’s ups and downs and I rebelled against it severely when I was younger. Now that I’m older, I wanted to try and get back into the church scene to make my own opinions rather than those that my parents had forced upon me however a thought ran through my head which made me hesitant to even look for a church. It’s something that makes me question either the way my parents brought me up or the way that the people in the churches I’ve been to judge each other. I am extremely hesitant to go regularly to a church until me and C are married. I feel like I should give a bit of background for this because to a lot of people this might sound a little odd.
All throughout growing up my parents made it VERY clear that living together before marriage is ‘living in sin’.I’m sure that most church goers probably wouldn’t care or if they did they wouldn’t say anything but because it’s been drilled into me for so long, I just feel almost guilty about it. My parent’s also questioned me intensely when I said I was moving in with him as to if ‘it was the right decision’ and were rather disapproving about it. Seeing as I’m reflecting on my parents way of bringing me up I may as well spew my opinions and thoughts out here. I personally see no difference between living together and just dating as ‘canoodling’ and other ‘activities’ are just as likely to take place in a bedroom they live in together or a hotel room they rented for the night.
The thing about this is that my parents divorced when I was 16 and my mother got a boyfriend soon afterwards and they started living together and bought a house before they got married. Another thing that really annoys me about the judgement is the fact that my younger sister is allowed to stay over at her boyfriends place and has been allowed for as long as I can remember and I’m pretty sure teenagers never get up to anything angelic when staying at each others house. I, of course, was never allowed as is the common woe of older siblings.
Another point is something I see very often, especially from the people I went to school with (private christian school). In order to get around the ‘living in sin’ and the fact that sex before marriage is a terrible terrible thing to do, they get married very young. In fact, usually after they haven’t even been dating long. This leads to not really knowing the person, divorce, or having kids just to liven the relationship up.
From living with C, I’ve felt as though our relationship has blossomed a lot more than it would have if we were living in separate houses and although we have only been going out for just under 2 years, it feels like so much longer. You get to see every side of a person and when we do get married, the stress of living together for the first time isn’t going to be there, we can simply enjoy being married.
Anyway little rant over, I think I just get a bit annoyed when I think about my parents hypocrisy and double standards regarding Christianity and it’s this sort of thing that makes people, including me, hesitant to join a church community.