dating · life

I beat my boyfriend :(

Ahh, so this is going to be a topic that I don’t really talk about much and nobody really knows except for C himself. If you have read my other posts you may have realised that I have major sleeping problems. In short, I don’t sleep much at all and every doctor has been to has says it’s “just a phase.” because I’m a “young woman”. None of them actually take me seriously and it’s gotten to the point where I’ve given up trying to get help for it. I think because I cope fairly well with it they assume I’m exaggerating when I say I only get a few hours of sleep a night. I had a bit of a situation last year where I actually was in and out of consciousness and I actually have an excerpt from my diary regarding that particular situation which I shall insert here:

So on Friday, I had a rather interesting night.

I hadn’t slept for three days straight and I was starting to go a bit crazy. Literally, crazy in the medical sense of the word. I was hallucinating and just talking gibberish in the morning when C left and when I went over that night after Parkour at gym I was mentally and physically exhausted. I don’t quite remember everything but what I know is that one minute I’m outside and the next minute I’m on the deck passed out like a pancake. I remember C coming and picking me up and taking me inside. After this I promptly passed out again and was in and out of consciousness. He took me to bed but I felt extremely nauseous and so he didn’t let me sleep in case I was concussed. I was hallucinating like crazy (I remember worms were growing out of his face and he said that I was talking about butterflies or something) and so he called my Dad.

Dad of course, took me to the A&E, and they said it wasn’t sleep related. Are you kidding me!! I hadn’t slept in three days, I’m pretty sure it’s sleep related… but quite frankly, they don’t believe me and just think I’m overreacting about how much sleep I’m getting because people can’t survive on this little sleep. WELL I’M NOT SURVIVING AM I???? Anyway they monitored me and then finally (at like 1am) sent me home and I managed to finally get some sleep.

So yes, I scared the living crap out of C but I was fine in the end. Although they STILL aren’t doing anything about my sleep and it’s driving me insane, literally. I’m pretty sure what’s happening to me is called microsleeps, it happens after a few days of little to no sleep and it’s where you fall unconscious for 30 sec to a min and wake up dazed and confused. Sounds exactly like what I have to be honest but the doctors are just running around trying me on different medication and stuff and not bothering to fix my sleep.

So that’s what happened a year ago and nothing has improved and I haven’t grown out of my ‘phase’ yet and it’s staring to get worrisome. I’ve stopped the micro-sleeps by loading myself up with caffeine during the day which isn’t a good thing either but it’s better than falling asleep at the wheel or at work. Anyway, the main point of this post was to do with something that is a bit worse, if that’s possible.

I’ve always had very vivid dreams and I sleep talk quite often however for the past year or so I’ve been ‘acting’ out my dreams. For example if I’m swimming, my arms and legs will start thrashing around and although this is alright if I’m by myself, me and C sleep in the same bed so you can see where this is going. Usually every night, I’ll end up thrashing my limbs about and if I have a nightmare I’ll quite literally start punching and kicking. I’ve given C bloody noses and apparently I can hit quite hard. This wakes him up obviously and is not so pleasant for him because, well, getting beaten while you are trying to sleep isn’t ideal.

I really hope that I can find a doctor who can help with this because it’s becoming a big issue in our relationship and although our relationship is solid in every other aspect it is a problem.

Anyway I’m off to drink some tea and try and get some sleep and hope that I don’t beat C again. If anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar I’d love to hear from you either by commenting here or you can email me privately. My contact info is on my about page 🙂

Goodnight

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